The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
