she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
