two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
