when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
