If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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