Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
