Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
