am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
