he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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