I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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