I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize