i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
