This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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