There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize