is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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