I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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