I skipped work to stalk him.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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