To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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