I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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