You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
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