just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
