just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
