Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
