If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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