Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
