I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
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