like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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