I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize