Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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