There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
