i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
