she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
