PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
