would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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