This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
