you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I want her autograph on my taint
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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