We're facebook friends in real life
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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