just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
