One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
