i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i dont even know how to be here
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
