They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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