she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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