This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
