we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
