i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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