I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize