there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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