My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
