Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
