my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
