Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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