Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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