Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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