She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize