Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
