Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
