His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
