I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
