I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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