For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
