between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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