Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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