Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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