It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
