there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
