Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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