i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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