Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
