but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
