Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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