There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
