you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
