i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
