we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
